EXAM RESULTS NERVES

My first memory of my dad is him getting ready to go out in his taxi at 10pm, after spending the day at university. He was in his forties. His dad died when he was very young and he had to leave school to get a job at thirteen, becoming a bricklayer. He met my mum, got married and moved from his Scotland to her Ireland, before having my brother and I. He continued to work in construction until I was four. By then, he and my mum had saved up enough to move us to Scotland to allow him to go to college, and eventually university.

During the six years that he studied full time and taxied overnight, we were skint. I was too young to realise at the time but he was working incredibly hard to get his degree. His dream was to be a social worker. Ten years later, he's just gone off to his great job as a manager of a residential unit. Having been poor for most of his life, he wanted to help those who hadn't managed to break the cycle like he had. And now, I aspire to do the same thing.

I had planned to write a post about my favourite makeup brushes today but I'm being distracted big time by something else - my impending exam results. As you're reading this. students all over Scotland are finding out how they did in the exams they sat throughout May and June. I've just finished my fifth (and in some ways most important) year of high school. While I still have a year left, what I find out today counts for most of what will (hopefully!) get me into uni. For my first choice, Strathclyde University in Glasgow, I need an A and three Bs over both fifth and sixth year, which is totally doable but has me stressing anyway. I'm very overly critical of myself, and am convinced that I've done badly, so fingers crossed that I'm being way more harsh than my markers were.

These last five years have gone so quickly, and have seen me go through lots of changes in both my appearance and my personality. This time last year, I had extreme internalised sexism and was surrounded by negative people who did nothing but make me feel bad about myself. Now, my self esteem is the highest it's ever been, and I have a great little support system of friends. All I need now is a university place.

Even if you're not expecting results today, please spare a thought (or a prayer, if you're into that) for all of us who are. Today will make or break lots of futures, but no matter what the results, I hope everyone makes it to where they want to go one way or another.

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